I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
