can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
