They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
