drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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