My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
