I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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