now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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