He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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