If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
