Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize