Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
