I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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