Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
