5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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