Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want her autograph on my taint
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
