susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
