I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
