I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
