I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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