ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
