I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
