I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
