the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
