Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
