if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
