What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
