that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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