Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize