honey bunches of taint.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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