Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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