I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
