I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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