Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize