I feel like abortions should bother me more
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
