I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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