We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
