Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
