I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
