I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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