So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
