I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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