btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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