Jerry, you need to find god
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
