i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
