M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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