I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
