Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
