My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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