sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
