"it" just moved
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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