We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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