Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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