seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
