You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
