had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
