Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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