This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
