"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
