and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
