can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
