wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
