I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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