Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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