One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize