Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
