Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
